White Men Can’t Jump (1992) Taught Me Everything I Know About Women

About a year ago, my ladyfriend Hannah and I watched The Break-Up, a film that embraces one of cinema’s richest traditions: female characters written by men. 

The Break-Up is a film directed by a man (Peyton Reed) and written by two other men (Jeremy Garelick and Jay Lavender) based partially on a story by a fourth man (Vince Vaughn).* It’s a film that doesn’t really work for me, but I can see why it—and Jennifer Anniston’s character in particular—resonates with many people.

Hannah is one of those people. She’s been in the Aniston character’s position before with past relationships.** The film’s most memorable scene is, unsurprisingly, what stuck with her the most: The Aniston and Vaughn characters get into an argument because he is, quite blatantly, not being a supportive partner. But when he finally agrees to help her clean the kitchen, he’s already missed the larger point—as she says, “I want you to want to do the dishes.” He digs an even deeper hole from here by saying “Why would I want to do the dishes?”*** You can probably guess how it ends up. (I mean, it’s in the title, folks.)

I appreciate this scene because it seems to be hearkening back to a film that I love. (One that I bet Garelick and Lavender have seen a time or two.)

White Men Can’t Jump is, in my opinion, the best basketball movie. It was directed by Ron Shelton, who also made Bull Durham, which is, in my opinion, the best baseball movie.**** The secret ingredient in each film is the same: They’re not movies about sports, they’re movies about people who play sports.

And once again, one of the film’s most iconic scenes is an argument between a couple. It’s a bit more complex here—and largely played for laughs rather than melodrama—but that makes the lesson even more valuable.

In this scene, Woody Harrelson (Billy) and Rosie Perez (Gloria) have just woken up. “My mouth is dry,” Gloria says. “Honey, I’m thirsty.” Unlike Vince Vaughn’s character in The Break-Up, who very clearly makes a bad decision toward his partner, Billy does what most men would do in this situation: He gets up and gets his lady a glass of water.

But Gloria is dissatisfied. Billy has failed the test. And from there, Perez gives one of my favorite mini-monologues in all of cinema. Here’s the heart of the matter:

“See, if I’m thirsty, I don’t want you to bring me a glass of water. I want you to sympathize. I want you to say ‘Gloria, I, too, know what it feels like to be thirsty. I, too, have had a dry mouth.’ I want you to connect with me, through sharing and understanding the concept of dry-mouthedness.”

Shelton has a bit of fun with this scene, both in Gloria’s diatribe (“I read it in a magazine”) and in Billy’s befuddled response (“This was all in the same magazine?”). It’s the sort of moment that’s comedic in how unlikely it is (almost all of us would’ve just drank the water, of course), but it also speaks to a larger, more figurative truth.

This scene positions Gloria as an intelligent, complex character who craves meaningful discussion (even if the gambit came from a magazine). And it paints Billy as more of a blunt, blue-collar conversationalist concerned more with reacting than thinking: “When I say I’m thirsty, it means if anybody in the room has a glass of water, I’d love to have a sip.”

Billy’s the more grounded, even logical one here. But I think Gloria makes a significant point. Perhaps it’s in our nature—maybe men are more likely to react to stimuli rather than think things through and consider multiple angles. Likewise, Hannah has taught me a great deal in this same vein. She doesn’t want me to solve her problems—she wants me to understand the problems, empathize with her situation, and support her as she works through them.***** (And maybe I can help sometimes too.)

I think that Shelton, given his limitations as a man, does a pretty solid job of writing a layered female character in Gloria. I also think it might be time to introduce Hannah to White Men Can’t Jump.******

*I have to give Reed some credit, though. As the director of Bring It On and Down With Love, he’s better than most men at telling women-centered stories.

**But never in our relationship, though, because I can read her mind.

***I would say the Vaughn character is underwritten in this film, but this particular brand of man is a stereotype for a reason. We’ve all known (and been) him at some point.

****I’ve written about this film as well! I don’t think Shelton gets the credit he deserves. (I still think a Criterion box set of Bull Durham, White Men Can’t Jump, and Tin Cup would be a big hit. Bull Durham is already in the Collection!)

*****The fact that Gloria says “sympathize” rather than “empathize” in this scene is a clever bit of character development from Shelton, I think. It shows us that Gloria knows what she’s talking about even if she doesn’t come up with the right words. Something that most of us can all relate to!

******Sorry for ending the newsletter with a dose of Kenergy. I couldn’t help it. Also, it’s worth noting that this is one of her father’s favorite movies. I’m not sure what to do with that.

White Men Can’t Jump is now streaming on Max, and it is available to rent elsewhere.