I Printed the Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003) Screenplay at My High School Computer Lab

Today’s issue of Dust On The VCR is a subscriber request! Today’s film is brought to you by my good buddy Dr. Ron Alyn MacBeth! Ron Alyn is a fraternity brother of mine, which means we partied a lot together in college, but it also means I proofread many of his essays and research papers. And now look at him: He’s the proprietor of Shades Creek Dental in Homewood, Alabama, and he’s making his community better through brighter smiles. Ron Alyn told me that Quentin Tarantino is his favorite director, and since I already wrote about Pulp Fiction and the Kill Bill films are the only other eligible titles that are streaming, the decision was made for me. Good thing I had a story for this one. Anyway. Want to request a film for a future issue? Subscribe to the paid version!

If I made a living by writing screenplays, I imagine that people would occasionally ask me questions like “When did you know you wanted to be a screenwriter?” I reckon there’s not always a lightbulb moment that they can point to, but digging into creative origin stories can unearth some really great anecdotes.

Since you asked, reader, let’s dive into this hypothetical prompt. I’m sure I would ramble a bit during such an interview. I would probably spend some time talking about the peak of the Great Recession, when I earned one English degree and then immediately started working on another one. I could talk about how my love of film and music led me to write for (and then eventually run) the student newspaper at my small liberal arts college. I might even talk about my AP English teacher.

Eventually, though, I would probably trace my fascination with screenwriting back to a singular point: the time I printed the entire script for Kill Bill: Vol. 1 in my high school computer lab.

Like most millennial males, I had a Tarantino awakening in my teenage years. I was still more into music than movies around the turn of the century, but all of the cool people that I wanted to impress were passing around DVDs like they were sacred texts. Films like Memento, Being John Malkovich, and Fight Club (a film that we obviously misunderstood because we were 14-year-old boys).

But Tarantino was the pinnacle. Though he only had three directing credits to his name at the time, that trio was everything to us. His films were clever without going over our heads, violent and exciting without veering too much into dark territory, and filled with endlessly quotable characters. Two of the foundational pieces of my DVD collection were the special editions of Pulp Fiction and Jackie Brown, and of course I bought one of those incredible 10th anniversary editions of Reservoir Dogs in 2002.¹

We worshipped Quentin’s catalog. But we were starving for something new. My buddies and I couldn’t have known at the time, but we were in the middle of the longest dry spell of Tarantino’s career.² None of us—even the older guys we looked up to—had seen one of our favorite director’s films in a movie theater. Hell, I wasn’t old enough to get into one if I wanted to. So when I heard about the Kill Bill project, I was ecstatic. And when we found out it would be not one but two films? A dream.

And then, somewhere in the Wild West of the early internet, I stumbled upon something illicit, something scandalous, something I couldn’t resist: the script for Kill Bill: Vol. 1. And obviously I had to print it out and read it.

I couldn’t tell you why exactly I chose to print this screenplay from my high school computer lab. It was most likely during a class when I was supposed to be focusing on something other than the blueprint for an unreleased Tarantino film. There’s a good chance I was worried that a virus was attached to this document and I’d rather infect the school’s machine than my parents’ home computer. But once I had a window of down time during my class period, I found the courage to click “print.”

I immediately realized that this was…not the best idea. First of all, the Kill Bill: Vol. 1 screenplay is 100 pages long. Do you know how long it took to print 100 pages in 2002? I was probably hovering by that printer for at least 10 minutes. I also hadn’t considered other potentially perilous outcomes. What if the printer ran out of paper halfway through my print job and I had to ask the librarian for help—while holding half of a screenplay in my hands? Or what if another student walked over to retrieve something they’d printed? What if a teacher walked over? My mind raced as I prayed for the hundredth page to finish.

Frankly, if I’d been caught printing a screenplay—that screenplay in particular, one full of violent acts and profanities—I probably could’ve been suspended. Or at least given detention.³ But I wasn’t. Instead, there I was, the proud owner of Quentin Tarantino’s fourth film. (The written version, at least.)

Was it worth the risk to acquire such contraband? Well, yes and no. If you’ve ever read a screenplay, you know it can be kinda jarring at first. It’s more similar to an instruction manual than a novel, especially when it’s not heavy on dialogue. Most screenwriters aren’t putting flowery prose in their descriptions because that’s not what scripts are for. They’re merely blueprints for a much larger endeavor.

Truth be told, I think I made it less than halfway through the script, which differs a decent amount from the finished product. I couldn’t tell you if I simply got lazy and stopped or if I decided that I’d rather experience the thrill of the story on the big screen rather than the page. But when I saw Kill Bill: Vol. 1 many months later, and I recognized those immortal words spoken by Buck the orderly, that lightbulb went off.⁴ I think that was when part of me realized that movies weren’t going to be just a casual part of my life.

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 is now streaming on Hulu and Peacock, and it is available for rent elsewhere.

1. I believe I had the Mr. Pink version because the Wherehouse Music that I got it from only had him and Mr. Brown left. Which makes sense, I suppose. But you know what? That Mr. Pink cover is the best one. Nothing else is gonna pop on your movie shelf the way that spine does.

2. Until now, that is. Unless Quentin surprises us sometime in the next couple months with a brand new feature, it’ll be six years since Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Hope he dusts off his keyboard soon.

3. I only got detention once growing up, in 8th grade. I was goofing off in French class trying to come up with funny translations of French words. My teacher did not appreciate my original translations.

4. My mother reads this newsletter so I won’t be writing out Buck’s quote. But if you’ve seen Kill Bill: Vol 1, you’ll know the one.