Batman (1989) Had Something the New Films Will Never Enjoy

Hello, it’s Jeremy. If you missed the byline at the top, today’s issue is from my editor, John. While he’s been busy avoiding seeing The Batman, he decided to reminisce about the VHS release of Tim Burton’s original Batman, so he wrote about it, which is how we writers process trivial things. Anyway, John would like for me to let you know that he interviewed Aunjanue Ellis, a Best Supporting Actress nominee at this year’s Oscars, on his podcast earlier this month. He did not ask her about Batman, but I bet she likes Batman.

Riddle me this, readers. Every major Batman in history could be found in a box that will never hold Matt Reeves’ The Batman. What kind of box is it?

As a reader of this particular newsletter, you’ve undoubtedly figured out the answer: a VHS box.*

Yes, the world, once again, has Bat Fever. I’m told The Batman is very good. But for me, Batman (1989) will always be the one true Batfilm. As a kid, we owned the VHS edition of Tim Burton’s original and I watched it constantly. It looked so insanely cool.

Just look at this box. It manages to convey Burton’s brooding, gothic take on the Caped Crusader without even needing the word “Batman” stamped across the front. The films seem a little campier now compared to the Nolan and Reeves take but this was a darker, more adult approach to the character than anything that yet existed on the film—and the box signaled that. 

But then you pushed the box into your VCR and something unexpected happened: Daffy Duck popped up and told you that you couldn’t start the movie until you put on your Warner Bros. ball cap.

“Oh no,” your six-year-old brain probably worried. “I don’t have a Warner Bros. ball cap! How can I watch Jack Nicholson destroy an art museum accompanied by an absolute banger of a song written by Prince?!”

Not to worry, reassures Bugs Bunny. If you don’t have a Warner Bros. ball cap, you can order one! Along with Warner Bros. t-shirts, neck ties, posters, movie books, and everything else found in the entire Warner Bros catalog!

I think this was a very important part of the VCR movie experience. The absolutely bonkers ways that these media conglomerates tried to make money off of us before they could just sell our data and say “Hey, Bombas, this guy has watched Batman 18 times this month. You should see if he’s interested in some Batman socks!” So instead, they just filled the front end of every VHS tape with commercials for more movies to buy. Or stuff to order.

Before the algorithm. Before AOL Time Warner. Hell, before AOL, the best they could do was ask us to call a 1-900 number and order a catalog. And guess what happened if we called that number?** You’d have to pay $1.50 a minute! Ordering a catalog filled with Bugs Bunny and Superman merch was apparently an experience equivalent to calling a sex hotline. It was a purer time.

But guess what, movie lovers? You could also find this essential Warner Bros. hat at your favorite local megamall by walking into your local Warner Bros. Studio Store! There, greeted by an absolute unit of a Bugs Bunny statue, you could find keychains, mugs, socks, puzzles, posters, books, and more. At one point, there were 130 of these stores.*** There was an entire ecosystem built around the VHS experience that vanished as merch stores, movie trailers, and eventually movies themselves moved to the internet.

The Warner Bros. catalog is now a thing of the past. To paraphrase Tim Burton’s Joker: Where will we get such wonderful toys?

*Each of Tim Burton’s and Joel Schumacher’s Batman films were released on VHS and Christopher Nolan’s Batman Begins was the last Batman film to be released in the format, which means at least a few people got to hear Christian Bale’s Batvoice through their VCR.****

**I tried calling the number this week and it brings me no pleasure to inform you that it was no longer in service.

***Apparently one of these stores was in the World Trade Center when the towers went down. All of the stores would be closed by December 31, 2001. These things are probably unrelated, though.

****You may be thinking that I’ve forgotten Zack Synder’s Batman movies, and I really wish I could. They don’t belong on my list, nerd.*****

*****Jeremy here, just chiming in to say that I do not condone this Affleck erasure.

Batman is available on Hulu, and it’s available to rent elsewhere.