My Friend Whitney and I Came Up With an Idea For a Gen Z Airheads (1994) Remake Via Text Messages

Wow, it’s another subscriber request issue! This one is a special one, though, because not only is the featured subscriber my friend Whitney (who contributed to Mummy Month with this piece about how the queer corner of TikTok adopted Brendan Fraser), it’s an interview transcript in lieu of the standard format! It’s even better because I didn’t tell Whitney that I was interviewing her until halfway through (see below). Also, I said enough nice things about Whitney in the intro to her piece about The Mummy, so this is all she’s getting this time. Anyway. Want to request a film for a future issue? Subscribe to the paid version!

Note: This issue contains spoilers for Hustle & Flow, a film that I highly recommend if you have not seen it.

Hello, reader. A couple weeks ago, I pitched my friend Whitney* my idea for a remake of Airheads, a movie that she loves dearly and one that I actually own on VHS because of my childhood Adam Sandler phase.** Whitney is not just a music aficionado—she’s an actual songwriter! Like a paid one, not like a bartender in Nashville! (She signed NDAs and stuff so I can’t give specifics, but a song she worked on was nominated for a Grammy a few years ago.)

Here is our conversation. Hope you enjoy it. And if you work for Disney, please feel free to hire us to write this script.

Me: Did I ever pitch you my idea for an Airheads remake?

Whitney: Go on…

Me: Okay, first of all, how would you classify The Lone Rangers? What genre?

Whitney: I mean. Upbeat garage? Early 90s everything. Plus hair.

Me: It’s like a weird amalgamation of hair bands on the outs plus grunge on the rise, right? (Like, I’m not surprised they couldn’t get radio play.) 😂

Whitney: Yes!

Me: Okay, so you set Airheads present day. It’s not a band, it’s a rapper or a pop star or an R&B singer, or one of those hybrids of all three. (Like Drake.) And then you have them take over a morning show like The Breakfast Club.

Whitney: OMG. They are Migos! 😂 Soundcloud rappers. It’s kind of amazing this hasn’t already happened. Or been reworked as an episode of Atlanta or something.

Me: You know what. Atlanta is kind of a series-long Airheads remake now that I think about it. Also, you’ve seen Hustle & Flow right?

Whitney: God, like 20 years ago.***

Me: Do you remember how it ends?

Whitney: With the prison guards trying to get him to listen to their shit? 😂 I mean, that does sorta count.

Me: Right! You could do an ending similar to that. Where he goes to jail but his tape is hot.

Whitney: OMG. I’m actually surprised it hasn’t been done a million times.

Me: That’s why we’re doing it! You’re cowriting it with me right now.

Whitney: Girl, I got enough going on.

Me: Okay but this transcript is going in my newsletter. So humor me here.

Whitney: The transcript of us talking about Airheads? Boy I know you’re playing.

Me: Yep, this is it. So give me all you got.

Whitney: Hmm. Who we casting? Gotta be somebody fine as the lead singer. Not Dave Franco because I’m sick of him in everything.

Me: Okay yes, not Dave Franco. Let’s cast actual musicians. Is it a group or just an individual though?

Whitney: Gotta be a group for dynamics. Otherwise it’s got Kanye energy and that ain’t cute.

Me: Excellent point.

Whitney: Oh! Jack Harlow as the main dude. Yes.

Me: Oh no. So this is fictional Brockhampton or what?

Whitney: Absolutely. Maybe Lil Nas X for chaos. And maybe somebody actually musical. For real though, there are so many angles. Like Twitter indies take over KEXP or an NPR Tiny Desk. That would be easier and truer to the source material!

Me: I was actually just wondering if they hijack a Coachella set or something instead of a radio station…

Whitney: A younger Chvrches takes a SXSW audience hostage. Plausible! Easy to pull off! There has to be a hiccup though so that outward appearances make it seem violent.

Me: SXSW is so chaotic that it could actually happen. And people would assume it’s just a publicity stunt!

Whitney: Maybe one of them was accidentally carrying a gun because they thought that’s just what you do in Texas, but surprise, the show is in the backyard of a Montessori school so it’s illegal. And the whole time they were just gonna do it for Instagram/TikTok but it went left.

Me: Wow you really thought this through (just now). I love it! How does it end?

Whitney: I don’t know. They get canceled? Very 2022.

Me: Okay but we want people to like them, right? I mean, we like The Lone Rangers.

Whitney: That’s what I’m saying! Do we mix it up for the new millennium? Or keep it how it was?

Me: We don’t wanna mix it up that much.

Whitney: Okay, I feel you. Maybe they play what they think is gonna be a hit, then it flops. Then one of them is forced to play a secret solo demo track and it goes well. Then a GoFundMe blows up in support of their first studio album so they can remain independent after skeezy record execs attempt to cancel them for something, but folks rally around them.

Me: I like it. What if they do it at a benefit show? Like the organizers can’t boot them because it’s going viral and donations are soaring.

Whitney: What if the song they played under pressure was about feet pics. Or liking thicc girls. And that’s why the GoFundMe is going crazy? A 2022 “Baby Got Back.” (I’m just trying to fit in with Gen Z.)

Me: You’re already trying to cancel our fictional group. 😂

Whitney: Listen. Do people get canceled for good things? Never.

Me: You’re writing the songs for this movie, right?

Whitney: Oh God yes. You already know! Firing up Fruity Loops right now…

Me: Great. I think our work is done here.

Whitney: How is this all gonna take shape? Your newsletter, not the movie. 😂

Me: I’ll just transcribe it then run it by you so we don’t get canceled.

Whitney: Too late.

*Whitney tells me that she met with her “retirement guy” the other day and he asked “Why is there dust on your VCR?” and that he was very proud of his “You’d better clean it off!” joke. Hearing this was a very big moment for me and my newsletter.

**I may or may not be out of this phase.

***Hustle & Flow was released in 2005, so Whitney is exaggerating here. Just wanted to point that out.

Airheads is available on HBO Max and DirecTV.